Wednesday, 30 August 2017

Detox

So you may have noticed I've been M.I.A for a little bit. I've been visible on Twitter and Instagram, but my blog hasn't received a lot of love from me recently, and I wanted to have a chat about why.

I've talked about this subject before, but I was in a bit of a slump. I was still questioning my place in the blogger world and didn't feel it was right to pretend while I was thinking things through. One thing I always promised myself was that I was always going to be honest, and blogging just didn't feel like the right thing to do during that time, and to be honest, I still get incredibly frustrated if I feel I'm treading water, because I never want to blog for the sake of it. It has to mean something.
Dress: Excuse My BonBon (no longer available)
Leggings: Very
Boots: Simply Be (no longer available)
This is going to sound weird as there is of course an element of that, if you're putting yourself out there, you're going to get attention, but I've never really wanted that much attention. I know, I know, says the girl in a bold Excuse My BonBon polka dot dress with bell sleeves(!), but my goals in regards to blogging are so different from my counterparts. I don't want modelling contracts or the like because that isn't what I define as success. I think the line between success and fame have become blurred in blogging and I think there is the notion that you can't have one without the other, but I disagree. I disagree because everyone has their won ideas of what success is, and my aim for my blog is to be a visible person of colour and to maybe help others who look like me, or similar, get to a level of self love a respect we all deserve. If that means one person getting out of bed not feeling like they are worthless - that is success to me, and I fell into a slump because I allowed myself to get sucked into the comparing mind-fuck that is so easy to slip into. I lost sight of why I started my blog in the first place and started to berate myself for not being at the heady heights of very well known bloggers.
Fame isn't something that drives me. It isn't something I want. I love writing, so if anything, Id love to write for a publication of some sort, but as far as being a famous blogger? That's just not my destiny. It can be so overwhelming and it's so easy to lose yourself in the sometimes toxic bubble. It can be so easy to see what everyone else is doing and feel like you're not doing something right, that you don't look "right", that your personality isn't "right", and of course there are barriers there. PoC, the disabled, LGBTQ, etc are still widely ignored, but we can't use this as a smoke screen to hide our own insecurities. We can't see change if we doubt ourselves and our worth. I don't want to press pause on loving or validating myself until I see someone who looks like me on the cover of a magazine. It has to start with me. It has to start with us, and that's what I forgot. That's why I needed a detox. I couldn't fight the good fight while questioning myself and my place.

But I feel refreshed. I feel like new, and can't wait to share some more posts about the things that matter to me. I hope you like reading because they're all pretty wordy!

I've missed you all though and I'm super happy to be back.


Love and hugs,
Isha xx

2 comments:

  1. Such an honest post, Isha. Glad you're back. I think it's easy to start to think that only the loudest boldest most popular voices count. But every single voice will be so valued by someone who relates just to you! And that's what matters x
    www.curvesandcurl.co.uk

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  2. people are being illiterate as they are being educated. They are being more and more judgmental everday. These are just some numbers that does not defines your intelligence.

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