There's never a right or articulate way to say you've been in a funk, but I have indeed been in a funk. I haven't blogged in a while because I've been questioning my style a lot recently and haven't really known what to do about it. I made a promise to myself when I started blogging and that was to stay true to myself and to always be myself. It would have been fake to blog knowing that I wasn't feeling right within myself.
I love reading blogs. Reading blogs has given me so much strength to be unapologetic about my body and how I choose to dress it. Blogging has been a vehicle for so many bloggers and non-bloggers, to find confidence and to stand side-by-side together in support. This is a big reason why I still enjoy blogging, and even if/ when I stop, I know I'll still read blogs and get a mass amount of joy doing so.
But for me, a downside has crept in. That little voice inside questioning whether my style was worth blogging about. If you know my blog, it's pretty clear that I have an aesthetic: dress, cardigan, ballet flats. Yep, that's it, just two pieces of clothing and simple flats to walk around in. There isn't anything overly exciting about it and when reading other blogs and seeing all the edgy street style others are so comfortable rocking, I have found myself saying to myself about my own style "Is this it?!". Bloggers should be pushing the boundaries, taking risks and breaking those ridiculous rules, but that's not really something I have done a huge amount of. I thought a lot about changing everything about my style, almost like a reinvention.
While deliberating about which avenue to go down, and while going through my two wardrobes full to the brim, the thing I came to realise is that merely existing in the blogger world by being fat, short, disproportioned, and most importantly, black, and still choosing to be visible is pushing boundaries, is taking risks, is breaking rules. I wasn't giving myself nearly enough credit. What I choose to wear is just that, a choice. I love my style and love the clothes I wear, and I think that shows in blogging and in real life.
But that's the thing, right?! It doesn't matter what you're wearing, as long as you feel good. It doesn't matter how many variations of the same thing you happen to wear; it's your happiness that shines through, that draw people to you and your blog or social media feeds. I think that's what I forgot. I guess this post is just a reminder to myself that I need to be kinder to myself. It's ok to have a confidence crisis and to reassess where I am and perhaps where I want to go. It's ok to change things up if I want to, not because I think I have to.
I was down in the dumps, covered in rubble trying to fight my way through. This will happen from time to time and that's ok, but I know in the end that I will make my way through. I will rise.
'til next time!
Love and hugs,