I have always been a really shy person and
have always mostly enjoyed being in my own company without guilt, but there has
always admittedly been a little voice in my head asking if maybe I would like
things to be different....
How do I really feel about being an introvert?
Most of my friends are extroverts and
incredibly social and will literally talk to anyone. I love this about my
friends and is indeed a huge reason why I gravitated towards them in the first
place. However, I can honestly say that I’m not envious of this trait. The thing is
that non-introverts often mistake being painfully shy with being anti-social. I
would consider myself an extremely friendly person and I love meeting new
people, and I’m always happy when I make a new friend; but the idea of being
the initiator and putting myself out there scares the heck out of me! I think
that’s why I love writing so much. I feel there is a protective barrier between
myself and the reader but still being myself and completely open with said
reader, but doing it “in real life” and wandering over to people mid-conversation
is something I would never do, and although I concede this can be seen as
standoffish or unfriendly, I just can never bring myself to do this.
I don’t think people who do not suffer from
social anxiety realise how the seemingly “easy” thing of talking to a group of
people whether you know them or not, is incredibly daunting. It’s almost like
introducing yourself again and hoping - praying that you’re still someone
others wish to speak to. I get it, it sounds odd, but it’s a real thing. For
example, going to events whether they are brand organised or blogger community
organised, is something I personally find difficult. Walking into a room full
of people and desperately scanning the room for someone, anyone to give an inviting smile, is heart-stopping stuff. I have missed
so many blogger organised events because of this and I kick myself every time I
see what a great time everyone has had that I didn’t just take a deep breath
and go. But I’m an introvert and thus, it just ain’t going to happen.
But why is this a bad thing? Why is being an
introvert seen as such a negative thing? Even when I was looking up the array
of meanings for introvert, one of the meanings I found was “…a typically
self-centered person.”, whereas the extrovert was described as “outgoing” and
“concerned with external things.” If you’re an introvert you’re told you’re wrong
before you’ve even started and that your extrovert counterpart is what you should aspire to. Plus, I’m not fond of
the notion that dealing with things internally makes someone self-centered. We
all deal with aspects of our lives the only way we know how, and being an
introvert means that some may indeed keep things in, but that does not make one
“self-centered”.
I’m comfortable in the fact that I’m never
going to be the life and soul of any party (if I even go to the party!), and I
know that I’m hardly on the top of anyone’s list of people to pick for a fun
night out (but then it depends on what your idea of fun is), but I also know
that my friends value me because I’m a fiercely loyal, dependable, caring,
nurturing understanding, honest and committed friend. I know they wouldn’t change
the way I am and thankfully, I wouldn’t want to change who I am either. I
really like the person I have become in the years where I finally stopped
trying to be someone I wasn’t. Those wasted teenage years of appeasing anyone
and everyone just so I could fit in but losing my identity at the same time are
not happy memories for me. Turning the corner and refusing to do or say
anything I didn’t want to, embracing my true self (both physical and mentally)
has to be one of my biggest achievements because it’s not easy to be
unapologetic of a trait people deem undesired. I see people trying way too hard
to be anything but themselves in some of my friends, certain aspects of the blogger community, at
work, and in the general public in how they interact (yes I’m a weirdo who likes
to people watch). I remember how exhausting it was to be like that, and I guess
all I would say to anyone who knows they’re not the loud, exuberant,
laugh-a-minute “ideal” that society would have us think we should be, believe
me: IT’S OK TO BE AN INTROVERT! It’s ok to be awkward and nerdy, its ok to have
a small group of friends who love you rather than a plethora who don’t, it’s ok
to be monogamous and in love, and it’s ok to be single and genuinely happy to
be so…or not! There are no rule makers to your life other than yourself and
you’re awesome the way you are. So go and book that solo ticket to a gig or
movie, go on that solo trip to the museum and enjoy it!
And remember; if everyone is laughing
around you and you don’t find that “thing” funny, just remember my girl,
Daria:
WORD to that!
‘til next time.
Love and hugs,
Isha
xxx
xxx
I would never have guessed that you are shy! x
ReplyDeleteHaha, really?! I'm a lot more confident hiding behind my computer. Put me in a room full of people and I crumble like a crumpet. :) x
DeleteHi, I've just discovered your blog and I firstly zoomed in on this post in particular. SO much of it resonated with me! I love the way you have put it, ain't nuttin' wrong with us introverts it's just the way we are!
ReplyDelete