There have been a few things that have made
the last year and a bit, difficult. I have a life mantra: keep the legs
pumping. This has been my life philosophy for as long as I can remember and it’s
what has kept my head above water at the worst times. I am well aware that anything I might be
going through is nothing in comparison to some others, so I have always tried
to suppress whatever has been going on, believing that my “trivialities” were
not worth worrying about or bugging other people with.
It is only until very recently I have
actually realised that my feelings are worthy
of acknowledgment, that I have every right to be upset about things, and I was
doing myself more damage by pretending I was ok when I wasn’t. I have Sian and
a cluster of other wonderful friends to thank for this epiphany. They have no
idea (until now, I guess) what their encouragement for me to feel what I was
feeling and not feeling guilty about it, was ok, means – I’m so grateful to
them for listening to my gripes and woes, while giving me sound and simple
advice along the way.
I really felt like I was falling into the abyss,
so having friends telling me it was ok and to believe in myself to be strong
enough to get through to the other side, has been indescribably helpful.
Part of my abyss falling, was an almost
complete lack in confidence. There has been a particular instance in the past
year, where I have been made to feel completely unimportant, not good enough,
and worth very little – this of course contributed to how little I felt about
myself and how un/important I was not only in this situation, but in all situations! I believed that message
for a long time, but suppressed this with my ol’ mantra: keep the legs pumping;
but in truth, I had lost myself.
I have slowly started to build again and
have been looking for opportunities to express that – enter the ridiculously
multi talented, Khandie Khisses! I saw the gorgeous pictures she had taken of
the beautiful, Mrs.BeBe, and thought a shoot was exactly what I needed! It
took me awhile to contact Khandie because those insecurities kept coming up,
but I eventually did and cannot describe how happy I am that I did. I emailed
Khandie and started the preliminaries in regards to when, where and the theme -
I also mentioned the possible shoot, to Sian.
She also really wanted to be photographed
by Khandie, so I thought whom better to share the experience with than someone
who had unknowingly helped me reach that point?! It was all arranged, and we
set off to gorgeous Greenwich….Khandie was/is an absolute dream! She is fun,
open, honest, and dedicated to making everyone she photographs feel like they
are worth everything! I hadn’t felt that way in such a long time, so it felt
good to get into the rhythm and be completely self indulgent in front of the
camera – I even got my arms and legs out, IN PUBLIC! I haven’t done that since
I was a child (literally), but I felt liberated with two incredible and
inspiring women, telling me I looked great.
I had a blast and below are three pictures
I wanted to share with you. I have more, but those are just for me; this shoot
was for me and was another building block to helping me feel like me, again.
Now, the dress! There was no doubt I was going
to go with my favourite vintage replica (online) store, Lady Vintage London. I adore their dresses and my wardrobe is
bulging with them – no lie! The dress I wore for the shoot is my favourite. It
screams summer, with it’s gorgeous colourful flower/bird print on top of a
creamy/white base, I knew it had to be *the* dress. I wore a simple bolero, a
petticoat (of course!), a blue belt and court shoes, and white flowers in my
hair. This is the best outfit I have ever put together and I’m thrilled I saved
it for this day.
Bolero: eBay
Shoes: Head over Heels by Dune
Flowers in the hair (just seen): eBay
When I first saw the pictures, it felt
unreal and I couldn’t believe it was me; but this is me, and with a huge thanks to Sian,
Khandie and some other amazing friends in my life, I finally see that.
I’m sorry this post is so long, but I felt
it was important to be completely honest without shame or embarrassment (because
saying you’re hurt can be one of the hardest things to do). It is also
important for anyone going through confidence issues to know you’re not alone!
If anyone is feeling as low as I was, I hope this helps in some way – you will come
out on the other side.
All my love and hugs,
Isha
xxx
**Please
note: ALL images are copyright of
Khandie Khisses. Please do not use without her permission.**
